Saturday 29 March 2014

ADHD Children: Tantrums Are Optional

By Leanna Rae Scott


What is currently called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) has been acknowledged, and perceived in multiple ways, for perhaps hundreds of years. Stimulants were used in treating it more than seven decades ago. I, however, about fifteen years ago still perceived ADHD as perhaps nothing more than an excuse for lazy parenting.

But then my first two children of my second marriage, despite my denial, grew into pre-teens who developed difficulties in getting school assignments done, although they were otherwise excellent students. These two had always resisted doing things they didn't want to, and they'd never been cooperative in doing their share of the household chores like my previous ten children had. But their floundering at school caused me to belatedly take them for thorough assessments, which resulted in positive diagnoses for ADHD and ADD.

My daughter, the younger of the two, had ADHD, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Many parents with ODD children apparently give up on them, letting them ultimately be in charge of themselves. Though I felt like it, I refused to let my daughter be in full charge of herself because that would have increased her risk within the community. But she resisted every effort I made to be in charge of her.

My son's ADD didn't involve hyperactivity, and his symptoms weren't as much "in my face" as my daughter's were. Now that he's an adult, he doesn't think he's had ADD. I had ten non-ADHD kids in my first marriage, though, and because these two children were diagnosed after thorough medical assessments, I'm convinced they've both been afflicted with this ailment (as has been their father). I was so frustrated with all of the challenges these two children presented that I was quite willing to medicate them. They tried the whole gamut of medications but didn't like the side effects, and they wouldn't take them.

During a discussion I had with this son when he was a teenager-at a time I was highly frustrated because of his behaviors-I stated an observation that just then occurred to me. He didn't laugh, so I assumed he didn't appreciate the humor in my emphatic remark, "You, my son, are the second most annoying person that I've ever given birth to." He was. And his ADHD sister was definitely the first. For many years I despaired of them actually learning enough of the life skills I was teaching them so they could thrive, but they're both doing quite well now.

My ADHD children were quite the same as my others with one important aspect of discipline. My first five kids all threw tantrums...but my last eight didn't. My fifth, at fourteen months, was cured a week or so after I discovered what to change in my parenting style. What I had learned with him worked just as well with my ADHD kids as it did with the rest. You too can opt into a tantrum-free lifestyle, even with ADHD children.




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