Let's look for a few minutes at the conventional wisdom around children's tantrums. Have you ever been subject to or witnessed a tantrum in progress when a parent (maybe even yourself) was actually observing the traditional ignore-the-tantrum rule? Somewhere in a public store, an infant or child was in a screaming rage. The parent reacted by (1) not paying any attention to the tantrum and the child, (2) keeping calm and cool, (3) staying nonchalant and unruffled, and (4) as fast as possible (while trying to look unhurried) getting out through the checkout and outside of the store. This outcome was much to everyone's relief, other than the child's-whose frustration and anger to that point had escalated to the extreme.
Let's examine this paradigm more closely. (I swear-that word is the only super-annoying scholarly one I will use here.) Responding to tantrums primarily through ignoring them is part of a very old parenting model or set of concepts, assumptions, values, and practices that constitutes a wrongheaded or misguided way of viewing tantrum reality.
The experts have been telling parents all along to ignore temper tantrums simply because (so they say) it's just the best way to deal with temper tantrum behavior in children. But parenting experts usually admit that responding by ignoring never changes or eliminates the tantrum behavior-since, after all, tantrum behavior for children is normal, natural, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory really begs a few questions. What measurement is there for parents to use so they can understand if they're ignoring the tantrums thoroughly enough or well enough? Just kidding. Nobody asks that question. But they should. How can parents know if ignoring tantrums is even a good and valid technique like the experts say it is? There is absolutely no change or success to measure and no tool to use to evaluate this technique's effectiveness. This technique, in fact, doesn't claim to be effective in the creation of a change. Using this technique isn't supposed to solve anything. When the tantrum behavior, as it undoubtedly will, stays the same or perhaps gets worse, the tantrum parents are supposed to keep on ignoring the tantrums simply because the experts say so.
And that's just what I did at the beginning of my parenting career. I ignored the temper tantrums of my first four babies until they each outgrew the tantrums, usually around the age of two. I responded by ignoring the tantrums of my fifth baby as well, until I learned that this technique was contributing to and provoking his temper tantrum behavior. I came to learn that ignoring tantrum and pre-tantrum anger is really part of the cause of tantrums. And I came to understand that as long as tantrums are ignored they will continue to occur.
Let's examine this paradigm more closely. (I swear-that word is the only super-annoying scholarly one I will use here.) Responding to tantrums primarily through ignoring them is part of a very old parenting model or set of concepts, assumptions, values, and practices that constitutes a wrongheaded or misguided way of viewing tantrum reality.
The experts have been telling parents all along to ignore temper tantrums simply because (so they say) it's just the best way to deal with temper tantrum behavior in children. But parenting experts usually admit that responding by ignoring never changes or eliminates the tantrum behavior-since, after all, tantrum behavior for children is normal, natural, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory really begs a few questions. What measurement is there for parents to use so they can understand if they're ignoring the tantrums thoroughly enough or well enough? Just kidding. Nobody asks that question. But they should. How can parents know if ignoring tantrums is even a good and valid technique like the experts say it is? There is absolutely no change or success to measure and no tool to use to evaluate this technique's effectiveness. This technique, in fact, doesn't claim to be effective in the creation of a change. Using this technique isn't supposed to solve anything. When the tantrum behavior, as it undoubtedly will, stays the same or perhaps gets worse, the tantrum parents are supposed to keep on ignoring the tantrums simply because the experts say so.
And that's just what I did at the beginning of my parenting career. I ignored the temper tantrums of my first four babies until they each outgrew the tantrums, usually around the age of two. I responded by ignoring the tantrums of my fifth baby as well, until I learned that this technique was contributing to and provoking his temper tantrum behavior. I came to learn that ignoring tantrum and pre-tantrum anger is really part of the cause of tantrums. And I came to understand that as long as tantrums are ignored they will continue to occur.
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Want to find out more about tantrums, then visit Leanna Rae Scott's site for tantrum solutions for your needs.. Check here for free reprint license: A Recipe For More Temper Tantrums: Ignoring Temper Tantrums.
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