None of us can honestly say that no one ever gave us anything or helped us. It's natural to feel grateful. However, if the benefit we receive comes with strings attached, we may feel the burden of gratitude rather than the warm glow a truly free gift inspires.
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
We can also feel two or more emotions at once. These are well termed 'mixed feelings'. We can be really thankful while also feeling imposed upon or even violated. In that case, we may wish the whole experience had never happened.
Perhaps we are grateful to a parent. Maybe a coworker has offered an opportunity or given us a great review. All is fine if the gift is given freely. Virtue is its own reward in many cases, and we can simply say 'Thank you' and go on. However, often there is an emotional bill to pay, or a 'tit for tat' expectation which demands reciprocation.
Parents have a natural obligation to provide for their children. However, if the children are made to feel that they now owe a return of some sort, a feeling of injustice may smother any grateful feelings. There's a fine line between what is balanced and what is dysfunctional. A parent who expects to be rewarded for their 'sacrifice' will probably be disappointed.
Trying to keep things on an even keel at home or work may make you feel you have to grin and bear it. It's not surprising that you might be resentful, even if you can't show it. If you can understand where the other person is coming from, you will have a better chance at making the best response.
Sometimes simple good manners can take care of the situation. Write your detestable aunt a thank you note or acknowledge the favor at work quickly. The next step is to let things go on as before. If you are out on your own, your parent's gesture may be a bid for attention. Only you can tell if you should visit or call more often. It's possible that, if they make you feel ungrateful, you really are.
If, after consideration, we really decide the burden is too heavy, we have to change the equation. This may mean moving out of a parent's home or sphere of influence. It may require a transfer at work or letting a person with unmet expectations know that we won't play along. Ignoring the whole thing and hoping it goes away might work or it might just let things escalate.
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
We can also feel two or more emotions at once. These are well termed 'mixed feelings'. We can be really thankful while also feeling imposed upon or even violated. In that case, we may wish the whole experience had never happened.
Perhaps we are grateful to a parent. Maybe a coworker has offered an opportunity or given us a great review. All is fine if the gift is given freely. Virtue is its own reward in many cases, and we can simply say 'Thank you' and go on. However, often there is an emotional bill to pay, or a 'tit for tat' expectation which demands reciprocation.
Parents have a natural obligation to provide for their children. However, if the children are made to feel that they now owe a return of some sort, a feeling of injustice may smother any grateful feelings. There's a fine line between what is balanced and what is dysfunctional. A parent who expects to be rewarded for their 'sacrifice' will probably be disappointed.
Trying to keep things on an even keel at home or work may make you feel you have to grin and bear it. It's not surprising that you might be resentful, even if you can't show it. If you can understand where the other person is coming from, you will have a better chance at making the best response.
Sometimes simple good manners can take care of the situation. Write your detestable aunt a thank you note or acknowledge the favor at work quickly. The next step is to let things go on as before. If you are out on your own, your parent's gesture may be a bid for attention. Only you can tell if you should visit or call more often. It's possible that, if they make you feel ungrateful, you really are.
If, after consideration, we really decide the burden is too heavy, we have to change the equation. This may mean moving out of a parent's home or sphere of influence. It may require a transfer at work or letting a person with unmet expectations know that we won't play along. Ignoring the whole thing and hoping it goes away might work or it might just let things escalate.
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